


Outlaws

by Aubrie1234



Series: I Can't Hear A Sound On The Radio [4]
Category: Bandom, Green Day
Genre: Deaf Character, F/M, Friendship, M/M, More tags to be added, Oneshot Series, various povs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2020-03-04 22:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18822022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aubrie1234/pseuds/Aubrie1234
Summary: They never fit in anywhere, but they stuck together. They were outlaws, in a way, and they liked that. 'Birds of a feather flock together' and all that shit. Also helped that they cared so much for one another and never got tired. If it wasn't for the fact that they were born to different families, they could've probably been literal brothers in another life. And they cared so much for each other that they wouldn't leave another behind, not even the disabled one.And, if you just looked at him, you wouldn't even know he was disabled. That was the beauty of it and everything they had. They treated him like an actual person and he made wonderful songs they could play together. That's a great relationship if there ever was one and won't be broken, no matter what happened, what anyone said. They were friends, brothers, a band, and nothing could change that.





	1. Burning Lights and Blackouts

**Author's Note:**

> So, this story is gonna be different from the others because it will have various oneshot chapters, each one different from the last and so none go together unless stated otherwise. These are just a collection of things in this universe that I can't make into a bigger oneshot like the trilogy but I wanted to make anyway. I hope you guys like these, and while I'm doing this or maybe after I finish it (whichever comes first), I have one more oneshot for this series that I wanna write that may wrap it all up. Still in the works, though, so I enjoy this newest story!
> 
> P.S. Not all of these oneshots will be based in fact. Some of these I might just make for my amusement or in something else and will be stated if so.
> 
> P.S.S. Because of how it doesn't have as much material, I'm sorry that these are shorter than usual.

**2015:**

_“Why do we have to go this time?”_ Billie signed as Adrienne fixed his bowtie.

“Because it’s the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame Inductees Ceremony and _you_ are in it!” she said, “Aren’t you happy?”

_“As happy as I can be while being choked to death.”_

“Sorry.” She loosened the tie, “And don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

 _“But what if I’m_ not _?_ _”_ He stressed the last word with a snap of his fingers. Adrienne rolled her eyes.

“Stop worrying, Billie. Mike, Tré, and Jason will be there for you. _Everyone_ will be there for you. Don’t you remember how many messages you got in support after people learned you couldn’t hear?” There was also plenty of hate mail, but that wasn’t the point, “I can promise you that things will be okay and that the only deaf musician in the world will be taken care of.”

_“I can’t be the only one.”_

“Then you’re the most successful one.” She smoothed down his outfit, “I can translate for you, but since we’ll be so close to the stage, maybe you don’t need it.”

 _“Yeah, I can handle that, but not a speech!”_ Billie gestured wildly, as if trying to make his point, _“Adie, what if I keep talking while they’re cheering and they don’t hear me? What if I make a mistake? I didn’t even write a speech!”_

“Make it up as you go.” She looked up when Mike poked his head into the room.

“The ceremony’s about to start. You ready?”

“I am, but Billie’s another matter.”

“Leave him to me.” Mike winked. Adrienne nodded and turned Billie around to Mike, where the singer gave an awkward wave. Together, the three joined their families and headed towards the hall were the ceremony would be, but Billie, Mike, and Tré eventually had to go off on their own and meet the press on the red carpet. This was one of the things Billie hated about events like this, all the press it got, and he had to try and not look like a fool while responding to so many things he couldn’t hear. He glanced back at the guys when Tré tapped his shoulder and gave a thumbs up, that they were supporting Billie every step of the way. He smiled. It was great to have friends like these two. He had to look forward again when Tré pointed and there were pictures taken of them, standing confidently and looking a lot better than they felt. It reality, Billie was sure they were all riddled with nerves.

 _“Hey, isn’t that Fall Out Boy?”_ Mike signed. Billie followed his gaze to see the younger band just ahead of them and raised an eyebrow. They weren’t old enough to be inducted yet, so maybe they were inducting someone. Besides Green Day, Ringo Starr, Joan Jett, Lou Reed, Bill Withers, Stevie Ray Vaughan, and Paul Butterfield Blues Band were being inducted as well. Fall Out Boy could be inducting any of them, though it was more likely they were there to induct Green Day.

 _“I bet they’ll do a good job, whoever they’re doing.”_ Billie signed, _“This’ll be good practice, since they’ve got 11 years to go, y’know?”_

 _“Maybe we should induct_ them _when it’s their turn!”_ Tré suggested. Billie chuckled.

 _“Maybe.”_ The rest of the time on the red carpet was less surprising and they got to meet up with some of the other musicians. It was determined, for their performances, that they’d do sets for each other, and Green Day would get to help out Ringo. Of course, the ex-Beatle, like everyone else, was nervous, but it was for a reason that really didn’t surprise Billie: He was afraid the performance would get tangled up a little bit because of Billie’s deafness. However, the singer assured the drummer that things would be fine. After all, he’d sung live so many times before for various things. Green Day had even played for the Ramones when they’d been inducted, this was not his first rodeo, but he could understand Ringo’s worry. Everyone wanted this to be perfect and he knew that.

“I’ll keep an eye on the rest of the band for cues, okay?” Billie told Ringo, “I’ll watch everyone else onstage. We’ve practiced this plenty of times.”

“It could always go wrong...”

“Yeah, I know that. We both know that since we’re musicians, y’know? Things can happen at shows that could mess it all up, but we push through it and get things done. If something goes wrong here, we’ll get back on our feet.” Billie glanced away, his reassuring smile dropping, “I won’t ruin this for you. If anything, I’ll probably ruin things for myself, y’know?” He shook himself, ignoring Ringo’s look, and went on, “Let’s get to the hall and get the party started then!”

* * *

As introductions began, Billie grew nervous again. He didn’t want to mess anything up for anyone, especially not Ringo or his own band, but he couldn’t help it. Adrienne squeezed his shoulder reassuringly as their family, along with Mike’s and Tré’s, watched the proceedings. When it was time to perform for Ringo, Billie joined his band as they went onto the stage and got to their instruments. Billie wouldn’t play for the first song, but he’d play for the other two and Mike and Tré would play for certain songs as well. As the guitar was traded off between songs, given to him, as his hands wrapped around its body, confidence began to thrum through his veins. Music and instruments were his lifeblood, and as long as music was humming, even though he couldn’t hear it, it’d give him the confidence to do anything. He even gave Ringo a thumbs up to assure the older man that things would go great. And it did, for Billie didn’t miss a beat, interrupt anything, or make a wrong move. Level 1, complete. Now, he just had to survive getting the awards and the following concert and things would be fine.

He felt like he was about to get screwed over. He hoped he was wrong.

 _“That was great!”_ Adrienne cheered when they returned to their seats. Billie blushed.

 _“Thanks, Adie.”_ He sat beside her and clapped along with the rest of the crowd as Ringo left the stage. After a few more things were said and done, the stage closed up to move things around as the next group was going to be introduced. Billie tapped his fingers on his arm, anxious, but then Joey grabbed his arm and gave him a look, telling him to calm a little and that things would be okay, but in a gentle way. Billie nodded back. He couldn’t help it. Then the screens came on and Billie’s mouth went dry, realizing that Green Day were on next.

“Please welcome, Fall Out Boy!” said the announcer as the band went on stage and Billie watched in apprehension, fidgeting a little. He’d never met the four before, neither had Mike or Tré, but, like any good fan, those four probably knew more about them than they’d like to admit.

“So,” Patrick began, and divulged into the speech. He talked about how his friends had taken him out of class to hear Green Day music, how it had the peculiarities to it, how Patrick had gotten hooked on it because of that one moment (Billie couldn’t help but laugh when Patrick mentioned the time when he’d tried to play the guitar like BJ and failed epically), and how he could tell that Green Day was going to be one of the greats. Billie blushed as people clapped when Patrick compared his silhouette to Michael Jordan’s and grinned when the younger singer talked about Mike’s and Tré’s contributions to the band. And when Pete came on, he summed up everything, ending with one final note that no one had expected, though it could have very well been a given.

“So let some Reddit feed argue the definition of Punk Rock. Me? I already have my answer.” Pete said, “And I wanna add one last thing before we finish: Every band has their rocky beginnings. Every band goes through tough times before they can get better. But this band has made that tough, rocky beginning into something that will define them forever, proving that anyone can make music, even if they can’t hear it.” Everyone in the hall knew what Pete was saying and clapped loudly, showing their support. Billie, as he’d discussed with his wife, was one of the few musicians who had made music despite not hearing a sound. He’d redefined what music could be just by doing what he’d done, being who he was, and Billie couldn’t have felt more thankful for this moment than even before. The band had gotten a lot of shit when it had been discovered that he couldn’t hear, but they’d pressed on despite that, and look at them now. Thanks to his musical ability, they’d made it into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame despite it, and in their first year of eligibility, no less! Adrienne tapped his shoulder, snapping Billie out of his thoughts, and pointed to the stage. Things weren’t over yet.

“It is our great honor,” Pete went on, “to induct Green Day into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.” As the whole hall clapped for them, Billie, Mike, and Tré went up to the stage to greet Fall Out Boy and get their awards. Of course, Tré and Mike had speeches prepared, Billie didn’t, but to help him understand what was going on, he’d memorized their speeches and would so often glance to his friends and the crowd for reactions as he felt the vibrations from the speakers. He’d be the last one to speak and, as Tré finished his speech and Mike went along with his, Billie was almost sure he was going to faint from the anxiety. However, as his family and the audience gave him reassuring looks, he knew he could do this, he _had_ to, he was only a few minutes away from playing and then they’d do nothing major for the rest of the night. At least, nothing that he knew of. He could do this, he could do this, _he could do this_. It also helped that, even when the guys were speaking, he could feel the vibrations from the cheering crowd. Hopefully it would help him determine when to speak and when not to.

“Feel like I’m in line at a DMV or something.” Billie started off, then went into his speech, mentioning that he’d be making this up off the top of his head as he went, speaking whatever came to mind. And as he spoke, he took careful note of the crowd and hoped that he didn’t accidentally speak over them and get his words lost in their cheers and claps. As he talked about his siblings and how they introduced him to music, Billie wondered if he should add something there, and went along with it, especially after the remark about getting to hear Patti Smith’s _Horses_ , “And no, that wasn’t a mistake I made there. Yeah, I said ‘hear,’ and I meant it, because I still heard it in a way, y’know? Every song that I’m introduced to, every sound, I can still feel the vibrations, and I hear it in my body, even if I can’t hear it in my ears. I know that not every deaf person does what I can do, but I just wanted to say that to let you know that the most famous deaf musician in the world can still hear music, even if it’s not with ears.” He tapped said ears to make his point and allowed the crowd to cheer before he continued on with his speech, where, at the end of it all, after everything was said and done, they finally got to play their songs. _American Idiot_ , _When I Come Around_ , and _Basket Case_ , which were all amazing, even if they were performed a little differently from usual (and that’s not talking about their suits).

Levels 2 and 3, done, and now he just had to wait until it was all over. He didn’t try to zone out, but he was tired and it happened sometimes, but he got the gist of the rest of the awards. By the end, he was ready to fall asleep in his choking suit if need be. But the night wasn’t over yet, as he, Mike, and Tré were pushed into a group by their wives and moved over to talk with Fall Out Boy, who had looked like they’d wanted to speak with Green Day all night by themselves but weren’t able to gather the courage.

“We’ll be in the lobby if you need us!” said Mike’s wife, Brittney, and all three women fled, giggling. That never meant anything good. And now the bands were left in awkward silence. Fall Out Boy looked ready to explode with excitement at seeing their idols again, and Green Day couldn’t blame them.

“Uh, hi?” Tré greeted, giving a small wave. This seemed to snap the younger band out of their stupor and they waved back enthusiastically. Billie, who hadn’t seen Tré do anything, had the feeling that someone had broken the ice besides FOB and was glad for it, as he didn’t think he wanted to get into an awkward situation at the moment. _Damn it, Adrienne…_

“So, did you wanna talk about something?” Mike asked, “You looked like you wanted to.”

“Yeah, we really did.” Andy nodded.

“We wanted to show you something.” Joe added. They raised their hands and, much to Green Day’s surprise, began to sign. All four were signing the same thing, making it easier on Billie, and they signed, _“Thank you for being the greatest band ever!”_ Billie blinked, then blinked again, unsure of what to say. He was trying not to cry but couldn’t help it.

 _I’m glad I didn’t wear eyeliner tonight._ he thought as tears leaked from his eyes. This seemed to panic FOB, who weren’t expecting this, and then Billie took Patrick into a hug and they knew all was right.

“Thank you.” whispered Billie, “You have no idea how many people don’t go to that length to speak with me. This means everything. You guys are the best.” And Patrick knew Billie was right. They’d practiced signing a lot to be able to say the right thing to Billie and not accidentally get something wrong or insult him, and this was the fruit of their efforts. It was so worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the link to the video of their induction ceremony, which is what half of this is based on:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y5nIyYJngo


	2. I’ve Got An Impulse So Impulsive That It Burns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually the 8th idea for this oneshot series, but the 2nd one I've written, and so I'm posting it up. However, it's gonna be listed as the 8th chapter, so it might get moved around as I add other chapters. I hope it isn't too much trouble and that you guys like this new oneshot.
> 
> It's also an AU of this AU, so it's not part of the main continuity. Just something interesting that I wanted to try.
> 
> WARNINGS: Implied sexual situations, but not really described.

**1994:**

When Mike woke up to someone pounding on his front door, he briefly considered rolling over and just ignoring it. But then he thought better of it, getting a feeling they wouldn’t stop, and so climbed out of bed to answer it. He didn’t expect to find Billie there, looking like his whole world had just shattered, and it left Mike almost at a loss for words.

“Bill...” He shook himself and stepped aside, gesturing in, “Get in here! You look like your favorite dog just got ran over!”

“Feels like it.” Billie croaked, going in. Mike led him to the small living room and had Billie sit on the couch. He took a seat beside his best friend and studied him, searching for any signs of what had caused Billie’s distress. He then raised his hands to sign and talk with the elder, hoping he’d get some sort of response.

 _“What the hell happened? Weren’t you out on a date with Adie tonight?”_ When he mentioned Adie, Billie flinched, and Mike knew he’d hit the right, _“Did she do something to you?”_

“Yeah, maybe, I don’t-” Billie ran his hands through his hair nervously, “I don’t know what to think anymore, y’know?”

_“But what happened?”_

“I don’t wanna talk about it, dude, just-” When Billie looked at him, so broken and yet so wanting, Mike wasn’t sure what to do next. He still didn’t know what to do when his best friend took a hold on his shoulders and pulled him down into a kiss. And it wasn’t a soft kiss, either. When they broke apart, Billie gave him the same broken/wanting look as he said, “Please. Just take me to bed and _ruin_ me.”

“Billie-”

“Do it, Mike. _Please_.” The taller man, despite his affection for his best friend, knew that this wasn’t a good idea, but also knew Billie wasn’t going to back down until he got what he wanted. And so Mike leaned down and began kissing his best friend, if just to fulfill Billie’s wish. He usually thought he was straight most of the time, but he knew there was no chance of being straight when he was in love with Billie Joe Armstrong. Once the kiss was over, he took Billie up to his room and tried to ruin him, just like the smaller man wanted, and when it was over, with Billie cuddling up to him and quickly falling asleep, Mike wondered if he should’ve resisted more and tried to get to the bottom of everything. But, as he looked down and saw the smaller man by his side, he knew he couldn’t have resisted if he’d tried.

* * *

The next morning, Mike found himself waking up to Billie still beside him, reading one of his books in the morning light. One of his hands was being held by Billie’s in such a way as to imply that they’d been holding hands when they’d gone to sleep. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, trying to make sure he wasn’t imagining it, and when he wasn’t, he sighed. He reached up and pushed the book down so Billie could see him and notice.

“You’re awake.” quipped the older man.

“Of course I am.” Mike took his hand away and sat up, “Billie...”

“Yeah?”

“What...what happened last night? Why?” Mike stared at him, “Was this a one-night stand or what? I thought you had something with her.” Billie glanced away, a saddened look on his face.

“This isn’t a one-night stand. At least, I don’t think it is, y’know?” He shook his head, “I tried to propose to her, but she didn’t take it. We weren’t even in public, and she said that she’d do it if I wasn’t so impulsive!” As he spoke, Billie continued to get worked up until he was tugging at his hair, looking like he was ready to ram his head into the wall or something. Mike gently took hold of Billie’s hands and held them, preventing the older man from doing something he’d regret later. Billie had his eyes squeezed shut after his confession and so Mike had to tighten his grip a little to make Billie look at him again.

“You wouldn’t be Billie Joe if you weren’t impulsive.” Mike said, “But if she doesn’t like you because of that, then fuck her. She doesn’t deserve you.” He let go of Billie’s hands, “You’re too awesome for anyone to deserve you. Even me.”

“Mike...” Billie blinked in surprise, “Have you-?”

“Yeah.” The taller man nervously ran a hand through his hair, “Ever since Pinole, probably even before that, I’ve had a crush on you.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I wanted you to be happy. You were dating other people and I wasn’t gonna ruin that. Even after you showed Tré and I _Coming Clean_ , I didn’t get involved. I didn’t wanna hurt our friendship.” All was quiet for a moment and Mike hoped Billie had dropped it, but then hands were put on his face and he was turned to look at his best friend.

“Dude, there was nothing to be afraid of, y’know? I wouldn’t stop being your friend if you said you loved me, even if I was straight.”

“It was just a crush, though.”

“If it was just a crush, then why did you give me what I wanted last night?” Billie shook his head, “You’ve got more than just a crush, dude.” He leaned into Mike, “Just let me stay here awhile, okay? I don’t think I can see Adie right now. I don’t wanna see _anyone_.” Mike’s ears perked when he heard the landline begin ringing from another room, but he knew he couldn’t leave Billie at the moment.

 _“Sure.”_ Mike signed, _“Stay as long as you want.”_ He buried his nose in Billie’s hair and hoped that things turned out for the best. Adrienne was a good woman, anyone could see that, but seeing Billie so broken up by getting rejected was making him start to doubt the woman. He needed to hear her side of things before he made a decision, but not now. He needed to take care of his best friend first.

* * *

Several weeks later, they were back to practicing their songs and trying to write new ones. Or, at least, Billie was. He was fully invested on pouring everything he had into anything that would distract him, and Mike didn’t blame him. However, he hated how burned out Billie would always get and tried to keep the smaller man from doing it but was unsuccessful, even with the help from Tré. Mike had explained to the drummer what had happened and Tré had wanted to do something to help, being the caring guy he was, and so they had tried everything they could to help Billie but nothing was working.

“Maybe he needs some closure.” Tré had suggested at one point, “If they could just talk about what happened and diffuse things, then maybe he wouldn’t be trying to run himself ragged.”

“I don’t think he’s ready for it.” Mike pointed out. Tré gave him a look.

“Is that your rational side saying that or your love side?” Mike glared.

“I’m being sensible. Just look at him!” The bassist gestured to the recording booth, where Billie was trying to perfect a guitar part, “He’s doing everything he can to avoid even talking about Adrienne.”

“But it could be just what he needs.” Tré held out his hands in a placating gesture, “We don’t even know why she didn’t marry him except for what he told us and he could be wrong. Have you even tried to get in touch with her?” Mike crossed his arms.

“I have, but she hasn’t called me back. The few times we’ve managed to talk, she told me that she needed to explain in person.”

“And you said no, I’m guessing.” Tré raised an eyebrow as he leaned on one hand. Mike blushed. Tré went on, “I know how you’re feeling about it, but I think it might be the only way to get Billie back to normal. If you think I like letting her get close to him after that, you’d be dead wrong, but we don’t have a choice.” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder, “You or me, call her on the landline.”

“There’s no need.” Both men looked to the doorway to see the aforementioned woman standing there, looking exceptionally guilty. Mike stood up, an angry look on his face, while Tré continued to sit, wondering what would happen next. He was prepared for if things went wrong, but he hoped it wouldn’t. Adrienne flinched at his dark look but met his eyes, not backing down.

“What the hell are you doing here?” growled the bassist.

“I came to explain, seeing as you wouldn’t let me come every time I asked. Tré’s right, Mike. I need to talk to him, and both of you, too, if you’ll let me.” Mike wanted to argue, despite knowing Adrienne had a point, and so kept his mouth shut. Adrienne gave him a knowing look, adding on, “I’m not trying to take anything away from you, I promise. I just wanna explain what happened that night.”

“Then go ahead and do it.” Tré said, “Go talk to Billie about it, but keep your hands in sight so we can understand, too. There’s no need to explain it more than once.” He knew she’d want to sight to Billie about this, and he wasn’t wrong. Adrienne nodded.

“Thanks.” Tré pointed to the door to the recording booth and Adrienne ventured over to it, laying a hand on the knob nervously, then steeling herself and opening the door. To get Billie’s attention, she flicked the light switch on and off once. Billie looking up from his guitar to see her and his eyes widened.

“A-Adie?” He seemed to curl in on himself a little when he saw her. Adrienne raised her hands and began to sign.

 _“I wanted to talk about what happened.”_ Billie set his guitar aside so he would have room to sign and respond.

_“Is there anything to talk about? I got your point.”_

_“You left before I could finish.”_ Adie signed, _“I said you were too impulsive, yeah, but I knew that, if I couldn’t marry you, there was someone else that could, someone else that made you as happy as you were with me.”_

 _“And who’s that?”_ Billie asked, and he didn’t mean it in a bitter tone, he was truly curious. He didn’t think he’d felt as happy with anyone else, or even if he could feel that happy again.

 _“Someone you’ve known for a long time.”_  Adrienne gave him a knowing look, _“I didn’t come here just to say that, though. I wanted to say that I’m sorry for not accepting your proposal.”_

 _“But you were right.”_ Billie frowned, _“I’m fucking impulsive.”_

 _“And that’s what makes you_ you _. If we had gotten married, I think you would’ve changed yourself for me, and I don’t want that.”_ She shook her head, _“You shouldn’t have to change yourself for anything, even for the people you love.”_

 _“But-”_ Adrienne interrupted Billie by bringing a hand to make a ‘stop’ gesture.

 _“No, Billie. I’d rather have you not change than to make yourself miserable to make me happy. We could still be friends, right?”_ Billie blinked, then looked down at his hands. He fiddled with them for a moment, not making any gestures, and then nodded.

 _“Yeah. And if it turns out you’re pregnant because of me, I’ll pay any child support you need.”_ Adrienne smiled and nodded back.

 _“Thank you for hearing me out. Goodbye.”_ She waved, then turned and left. She didn’t really have to stay any longer, but before she could leave the building completely, Mike grabbed her wrist. She glanced at him, wondering what he wanted, and found that he looked sorrier and less angry than earlier.

“Thank you.” he whispered, “And I’m sorry for my attitude earlier. But who did you say could make him that happy again?”

“It’s okay.” She gave him a wink, “And I think you already know.” Mike blinked and blushed.

“You don’t mean-?” Adie nodded.

“Treat him right, or I’ll come back and knock your ass into next year.” Mike couldn’t help but grin at the remark.

“Don’t worry, I will.” He gave her a hug, “Thanks for everything.”

“I knew that he’d be better with you than with me. That’s another reason I gave him up.” she said, “‘Bye, Mike.” And then she was gone for good. He stared after her for a moment, then down at his hands, as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened.

“Hey, lover boy.” Tré gently jabbed him in the side to get his attention, “BJ wants to talk.” Mike looked over their shoulders and saw Billie waving at him. He hesitated for a moment, then nodded and turned to the recording booth. No matter what went on from here, he knew it would be good things. He didn’t know _how_ good they would be, but only that little bad could come from this turn of events.


	3. Disappearing Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like the last chapter, this is another idea I finished that's out-of-order of how they came to be, so I'll try to put it in order with the rest of this mess. This is technically the 4th idea I came up with up, so I'll try to put it as such later.

**2003:**

Billie drank his beer as he absently gazed around the NYC bar. After the mess with someone stealing their _Cigarettes & Valentines _ master tapes and things just going into decline with the band, not to mention all the stress being piled on him from both home and his various other projects, he knew he needed to take some time off. He told Adrienne that he was going to spend some time away from home, he didn’t know where, he just wanted to disappear and relax. He felt bad about leaving his sons, his family, even his friends behind, but he knew himself and knew that this was for the best, otherwise he was sure he’d have a breakdown. As it was, he was wearing a thick leather jacket, some blue jeans, and a beanie to help disguise himself. He would’ve completed the cliche with sunglasses if it wasn’t for two reasons: One, it was dark and sunglasses don’t work well in the dark. Two, because he was deaf, he needed to be able to see everything around him to see if anyone was talking with him and sunglasses would impair that, no matter how small the impact was. He glanced up when he felt the bar shiver a little, seeing the bartender in front of his spot. He’d informed the man about his disability before his first drink, but only him because he didn’t want to seem antisocial or something.

“Want another?” Billie nodded. The man nodded back, fixed another drink, and slid it across to him. Billie gave a small ‘thanks’ and pulled the drink closer, not taking a sip just yet. He wasn’t going to get completely drunk tonight, he’d pay his bill, he just wanted to sit around and relax for once. He could’ve done it at home, sure, but all his trouble would’ve still weighed on him. Out here, there was nothing to worry about, just like how it had been when he was a kid. He wished he could return to those times, but that just wasn’t possible. He had a band, a family, even his own record company to look after, he had no time to relax. That’s why he took this ‘vacation,’ despite having no idea how long he wanted to stay away from home. That was the only problem he had right now. He’d told Adie he didn’t know how long he’d be gone, only that he’d be back ‘as soon as I’m back in the right place.’ How long would that take? How had he even gotten lost? He didn’t quite know, but he felt like it. And once he was fixed, he’d head home to his life. But for now, he would just drink his beer and not bother the bartender too much.

Feeling vibrations through where his feet rested on parts of the stool, he turned around and quickly ducked, barely missing a glass flung at his head. His temper flaring, he searched for the person responsible before realizing that a bar fight was starting and he didn’t want to get involved in that at the moment. Attention was not something he needed, nor was an arrest.

 _Looks like it’s time for me to make an exit._ Paying for the drinks in bills and letting the bartender keep the change, Billie used his small size to his advantage to sneak out and quickly ended up outside the bar without a scratch. Down the street he could see sirens coming and so made a swift exit by running down the street until he was a few blocks away. Once he was sure he was far enough away as not to be bothered by police, he slowed to a walk and kept an eye on the shop windows as he passed. He wasn’t window shopping, he had no use for it, it was something he’d picked up that would allow him to see behind himself and pick up on anyone following him. So far, nothing was behind him, but he was nervous. He should’ve taken a cab, walking around New York City at night was one of the dumbest things anyone could do. He was practically _asking_ to get mugged or something.

He continued to walk and observe the windows, but as he did so, he also saw what was inside and not just used them to look behind himself. He saw sports equipment, clothes, all sorts of things, and quickly grew disgusted with it. The overly expensive prices, the eye-catching features, it was terrible. Just like how the nation was now, but it wasn’t America’s fault! It was that idiot running the place, Bush. He was driving the place to the ground and these prices were to show for it. Shaking his head, Billie tried to ignore what was inside the shops as he walked. He could buy some of the stuff in these places with how well Green Day did in the past decade, but what was the point? It certainly didn’t help anyone. Suddenly, he caught something in the corner of his eye.

Billie was no stranger to muggings because of his hearing, but he wasn’t about to let it happen this time. He continued walking, letting the perpetrator think that they had the upper hand on him, and slowed down a little to let them get close. When they struck, he struck back. He’d been known as a scrappy-like little gremlin in school whenever he fought and this was no exception. He grabbed the attacker before they could hit him and threw them to the ground before doing whatever he could defend himself, which was surprisingly a lot for his size. He punched and kicked and was lucky the would-be mugger wasn’t armed,easily beating off the guy and probably giving him a broken bone for his troubles. This didn’t mean that Billie didn’t get hurt, he just put out more damage. The only injuries he suffered were a few bruises and probably a broken nose. Wincing at the throbbing in his face and feeling the blood trickle down, he took off his beanie and used it as a makeshift stopper as he looked around, searching for a cab. He didn’t want to take a chance for another mugging. Thankfully, there was one coming around the corner. Raising his hand and waving it frantically, he even took a step into the road to get its attention and was ultimately successful.

“Nearest hospital, please.” he said, knowing that he voice probably came out weird because of his broken nose. He’d practiced this enough with Mike to understand what the driver was saying and kept an eye on the meter to know how much he was supposed to pay. He was deaf, not an idiot, even if he was a little buzzed and injured. And watching the driver’s lips in the rear-view mirror helped, though it was hard to do in the darkness. Billie didn’t want to admit his deafness and that, to compensate for it, he and Mike self-taught themselves how to read a taxi meter just in case they ever needed to take a cab and not get harassed or something. A little overprepared, maybe, but it helped!

And as he rode, a thought slowly came to him, an idea of sorts, imagining what he wanted in the new record, and as it came together in his mind, he began to grin. He’d have to write it down as soon as he could so he wouldn’t lose it, but now he had an inkling for what he wanted the new record to be. He’d even be able to fit in that random song he did with the guys into it, where they made their own parts and fit them together to see what came out of it. It’d fit perfectly in the narrative, even if it wasn’t completely fleshed out yet. And the experience tonight was giving him ideas for other songs to possibly put on the album. Even though they didn’t have _Cigarettes & Valentines _anymore, this might be way better than it would ever be. After he got his nose fixed up, of course. Adie would murder him if she found out about this, not to mention Mike and Tré. ‘No more fights,’ ‘You’re so tiny you’ll get yourself killed one day,’ ‘Damn little gremlin.’ Billie had tried to stick to that, but he couldn’t help it if someone was trying to mug him! Hopefully they’d understand that.

* * *

**A few weeks later:**

After his idea, Billie worked on it day after day, trying to flesh it out while trying to find himself again. He partied, he went wild, he wrote, he jammed with other musicians, he did everything he thought would help him. After almost a month of this, he’d finally come to something he thought was great, but had he found himself again? Maybe. He didn’t quite know, but there was only one way to find out. He decided to surprise Adrienne and his boys by coming home without telling them. He’d emailed them a few times a week as well as his friends to check on them and it always brought a smile to his face when he heard from Joey and Jakob. He’d missed his boys, he really did. He couldn’t wait to see the looks on their faces when he saw them again.

As he took the steps up to his house, he gingerly touched his nose. It’d healed in two weeks and didn’t hurt anymore, but he was almost certain Adie would be able to tell something happened. It was just something she could do and it always amazed and terrified Billie that she knew everything he’d gotten up to, even when it _wasn’t_ on the news or in the newspaper. She was awesome like that. He also prepared himself for anything that’d happen, as she’d recently taken to hitting him gently with anything that happened to be in her hands if he startled her, such as in a cartoon. The items she used, however, _did not_ feel like their cartoon counterparts. He’d felt it, trust him.

After steeling himself for getting hit no matter what, whether it be by item or by hand, he knocked on the door. He didn’t know if she’d answer even though her car was home, he considered ringing the doorbell, but then the door opened and revealed Adrienne, who was wielding a rolling pin. This would hurt.

“Billie!” he saw her exclaim, and then she hit him with the rolling pin. He was prepared to rub his arm in mock hurt until she took him into a hug. He was surprised by this but folded into it easily, the tension falling off him like water while he was in Adie’s arms. Maybe he didn’t have to leave home to fix himself, he could’ve done it here instead, but past was past. There was no changing what had transpired, he could only adapt to what was ahead.

“Hey, Adie.” he murmured, “I’m home.” He almost jumped when his legs were enveloped in hugs before realizing it was Jakob and Joey, happy he’d finally come home, and he smiled.

“You are so dead later.” Adrienne said when she pulled away, “But right now we are going to drown you in hugs until Mike and Tré get over here.”

“I feel so loved!” he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. Adie smirked, then touched his nose, switching to a frown.

“And what happened to your nose? Don’t tell me got into a fight.”

“Would you not kill me if I said yes?” She glared at him. He winced, “Definite ‘no,’ then.” Adrienne then pulled him inside with no time to protest and closed the door.

* * *

“ _‘Shit’s so deep you can’t run away,’_ indeed.” Tré remarked as he and Mike arrived at the Armstrong home, ready to kill Billie for worrying them. Adrienne was the only one he told about the trip, but he’d still communicated with them, so they weren’t as mad as they could’ve been. He’d already been harped on by his family, probably, so they were planning on not trying to kill him _too_ much.

“What do you think we should do first? Hug him to death or punch his arm?” Mike asked.

“You punch him, I’ll hug him. We’ll double-time it!” Mike nodded.

“I like your thinking.” He knocked on the door, “But what do you think Billie’s been working on? He mentioned a new record he wanted to show us that he thought would be fucking cool.”

“Not as cool as me, though.” Mike rolled his eyes yet had a smile on his face.

“Maybe.” The door was them opened Adie, who smiled when she saw them.

“Great timing!” she said and beckoned them in. She led them to the living room where Billie was telling his sons about some of his ‘adventures’ (not really, he was just trying to keep them entertained). When he felt their footfalls on the carpet, he looked up and gave a sheepish smile to his friends.

“Hey.” he greeted weakly. His sons left him alone to their wrath, where Mike punched him in the arm and reprimanded him for not telling them but telling Adie before Tré got him in such a strong hug that Billie was lifted off his feet.

“Can’t...breathe!” he choked out, where Tré was forced to let him go.

“But do you feel better?” asked Tré. Billie had not actually told Mike and Tré what was going on with him, the whole ‘trying to fix himself’ thing, but they’d gotten vibes from Adrienne and Billie that something had happened besides the new music idea.

“Yeah.” Billie nodded, “Lots better. I think I shouldn’t have left home for it.” Mike snorted.

“You think?” He smiled, “But we’re glad you’re home.”

“For better or for worse.” Adie agreed, hugging her husband again and only pulling away to add, “You have no idea how much we all missed you.”

“I missed you too.” said Billie, giving her a kiss, “We’ve got new music to work on and I feel like I’m home again. Can’t imagine anything better, even if I didn’t really pull it off.”

“Just don’t disappear, you hear? Tell us next time!” said Tré.

“I promise.” Billie have the drummer a small salute and they all laughed. It was good to have Billie back and he felt the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to Shoplifter while writing half of this. A little too much, me thinks.
> 
> If you're not too sure, this 'shot is based on one time in 2003 where Billie basically disappeared for a month. Probably not actually what happened, but I was mostly just writing this by the seat of my pants and not looking at Wikipedia for information, so it could be considered a bit AU-ish to what actually happened.
> 
> I imagine that it also helps tie into American Idiot and has a reference from the song Walking Contradiction if you wanna know. Chapter title is also a GD song from their pre-Dookie days.
> 
> Happy 4th of July to everyone and hopefully I'll have another chapter up soon!


	4. Panic Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another out-of-order chapter, officially Ch. 2 once I get them sorted out. I actually had half of it written for a while before I finally decided to finish it today. I hope you guys like it.

**1995:**

Billie just wanted to hit his head on the wall. He hated how Adie always had to get up to take care of their son and he blissfully slept on. That was both a perk and a curse of being deaf. However, sometimes, he found himself staying up all night, unable to sleep because of things only he could listen to despite not being able to hear. Those times he’d take care of Joey and feel just as tired as if he’d been woken up by his young son. Being a parent was hard work.

A tap came to his shoulder as his head laid on a table, facedown, as if he was trying to catch up on the insanity of his life. He raised his head to see Adie standing beside him, a phone in one hand with a worried look on her face. He raised himself up more, knowing something was going on.

 _‘What?’_ he mouthed, putting no sound behind it in case someone was still on the phone.

 _‘Mike.’_ She mouthed back. Billie frowned, _‘He just called, I think you need to see him.’_

 _‘Right.’_ He nodded and got up to grab a coat, as it was chilly out. Mike wasn’t too far, only a few blocks away, and Billie wondered what could have happened if Adrienne thought he needed to see his best friend. And why had Mike called instead of coming over? Bad ideas began stirring in his head and dark feelings settled in his stomach. As soon as his feet touched the sidewalk he took off at a run. There was just a sense he had that Mike needed him, that he needed to be by the bassist, that he couldn’t leave his friend alone. And it came to him, a realization of what could be going on, and he _knew_ he had to be with Mike.

Arriving at Mike’s house, he unlocked it with his personal key and ventured inside slowly. For all that he wanted to just barge in there, he knew that wasn’t the right way to go about it. He needed to make as much noise as possible and move slowly so Mike knew he was there and not startle the other man. So Billie knocked on the walls and door frames, trying to let Mike know where he was. But where was Mike? As he entered the kitchen, he saw his best friend sitting at the kitchen table, and when he saw the cup of coffee in Mike’s hand, he sighed. Mike loved coffee, Billie didn’t mind that, but coffee was not the solution for a panic attack.

“Hey.” Billie said, trying to keep his voice low as he knocked on the door frame. Mike didn’t even look up at him, just shuddering. Billie slowly approached, not wanting to panic his friend anymore, and took a seat beside the bassist. Gently, carefully, he put a hand on Mike’s back and made soothing motions, soft sounds, trying to comfort his friend. As he did so, he reached over and eased Mike’s tight grip on the cup, moving it out of reach when it was free. He was sure his friend was panting, trying to take in breaths and steady himself, but it wasn’t working. His body language conveyed that, and Billie understood why Mike had called.

“You’re okay, nothing’s gonna happen, I’m right here...” Billie continued saying things such as that for a while until Mike seemed to slow in shaking and grabbed one of Billie’s arms. Mike then began signing with that hand, not looking at him and the singer understood what he was trying to sign before he said it.

 _“Thank you.”_ Mike signed, _“Stay with me, please.”_

“Of course, buddy.” Billie stroked a hand through Mike’s short hair. He’d recently cut it and Billie thought it looked good on his best friend. He stayed by Mike’s side for what seemed like hours, either looking around or observing Mike and making sure the other man was okay. Eventually, Mike calmed down enough to raise his head and stare at Billie. His eyes were filled with panic and tears and Billie enveloped him in a hug. Mike began crying on his shoulder as Billie continued to make soothing motions and sounds. It was all he could do for the bassist. Slowly, Mike calmed more and more until he was able to lean away and wipe his eyes.

“You have no idea how much better I feel, now that someone’s with me.” said Mike. The other man nodded.

“It’s okay.” Billie’s hand rested on the table and began tapping out a beat, conveying nervousness, “What set it off this time?”

“Just, everything?” Mike’s hands slid down his face from tiredness before he spoke again, “I was thinking about how I was all alone, just being here, with no one, and I felt it coming on me. You were the closest, so...” He shrugged.

“You feel better at all?”

“A little. Thanks for coming over, BJ.”

“No prob.” Billie swung his feet absently. Mike noticed this.

“Do you wanna head back home?” Billie shook his head.

“No way, dude. Not when you’re like this.”

“Don’t want you getting nervous and freaking out because of me, though.” Mike made to stand but Billie put a hand on his arm, making him sit again.

“Everything’s fine, dude. Adie’ll understand, y’know? You need me more right now than she does.” Billie rubbed Mike’s back again, “Got it?” The older man smiled back.

“Got it.” The bassist leaned into the singer’s touch and Billie smiled back, continuing to comfort his best friend.

* * *

**2005:**

_I can’t do this. Can’tdothiscan’tdothiscan’tdothis-_ Billie took a deep breath and rubbed his face, _No, I can do this, just gotta calm down._ He glanced at the curtains, where he could feel the vibrations of so many people cheering and baying for Green Day to come onstage already. It made him shudder as the voices in his head increased. _Can’tdothiscan’TDOTHIS-_ Billie jumped when he felt a hand land on his shoulder and prepared to run, only to have his hair petted. It helped calm him down enough to look at the mystery person, only to find out that it was Mike.

 _‘You okay?’_ Mike mouthed, not wanting anyone to overhear. The concert was just about to start.

 _‘Stay with me.’_ Billie sat back down again on the small platform he’d found (maybe it was for Tré’s drumset?), Mike joining him. The taller man continued to pet Billie’s hair as the singer leaned into him, finding comfort where he could in his best friend. Mike tapped on his arm gently, the beat to _Jesus of Suburbia_ , which the whole band had come to love in their own ways. Billie smiled and glanced up at Mike. The bassist smiled back.

_‘Feel better?’_

_'Good enough to perform.’_ Billie leaned away from him to stand and stretch. Mike frowned. He stood and tapped Billie’s shoulder to get his attention.

 _“You sure?”_ he signed. Billie nodded. As much as he felt better from being with Mike, his nerves felt shot, so he wouldn’t be doing as many interactions with the audience as usual. As soon as he was back on the bus, he was going to go to his bunk and just try to calm down, with or without anyone’s help. Mike didn’t seem to believe his confidence but allowed him to go out onstage.

 _So many people…_ Billie swallowed. He could do this. Feeling a nudge, he glanced to his left to see Mike. The bassist gave him a strong look, resting a hand on the strings of his bass, then began to strum the beginning of _Longview_. Billie and Tré quickly followed suit, Billie giving Mike a withering glance, but thankful for the intervention. Mike rolled his eyes and continued playing, ignoring Billie’s looks but keeping a sharp eye on the singer. He knew something was up with his best friend but didn’t quite know what it was, only that he needed to watch Billie. It felt familiar, though, and anything bad that felt familiar was never good.

“ _Don’t wanna be an American Idiot!_ ” From _Longview_ they switched to their big single, _American Idiot_ , but as soon as he was singing, Billie lost himself in it. Music was and had always been his escape, despite being deaf, and it helped distract him from his pressing issues almost immediately. He sang through the set, from _Idiot_ to _Welcome to Paradise_ , _Walking Contradiction_ to _King for a Day_. They’d decided to switch things up a little with the setlist and the crowd was loving it, but it wasn’t making him feel any better, even as he got lost in the music. In fact, as the concert went on, Billie felt worse and worse. He felt like he knew what was yet the answer eluded him, his nerves being shot and shaking a little. He only calmed down when he felt Mike lean against him, both of them still playing, and give him a worried look.

_'Should we end it?’_

_‘No.’_ Billie shook his head, _‘I’ve got this.’_ Mike clearly didn’t believe him but didn’t pull away, making Billie feel better. They played off each other for a few minutes as they went into another song, _Minority_ , and the singer couldn’t be more thankful for the bassist’s support. And yet, his nerves wouldn’t calm down. He was lost in the song, but he was still anxious. It didn’t quite add up and he couldn’t think of what could be wrong. However, as soon as the concert was over, after he’d given the audience their fill, after they’d gotten off the stage, he nearly collapsed. The only reason he didn’t fall flat on his ass was because of Mike and Tré, who grabbed him and held him up.

 _Panic attack._ Billie realized right before he was flooded with fear. His body had been feeling the effects of a panic attack but he’d managed to ignore it for the most part until now and he couldn’t keep it away anymore. At least it wasn’t in front of the fans, right? He hoped his bandmates were speaking to him as they set him on the ground to help him calm down but he didn’t know if he’d ever hear it, even if he wasn’t deaf. His heart was racing as he tried not to hyperventilate, knowing there was no reason for the attack except for his anxiety but too scared to really process it. His fear was broken when he felt hands on his cheeks, not realizing he’d closed his eyes until he opened them to see Mike and Tré still with him, worry deeply set in their faces. He’d never hear their words if they tried to speak, not even understand them in his panic, and they knew that. They only way they’d be able to get through to him in the slightest was to touch him, rub him comfortingly, and Mike even had Billie lean into his chest, if just to feel his heart, just to _know_ that there was something calming right beside him. All the love, all the patience, it made Billie cry, but at least he was beginning to calm down now. He had his best friends beside him, who would do anything for him, who would make sure he was okay in the worst of times, even when he pushed himself too hard.

They helped the singer to his feet and stayed by his sides as they made their way back to the bus, careful not to let go of him in case he was still weak-kneed. When they got back to the bus, Tré stayed with Billie in the lounge part while Mike went outside to assure everyone about his collapse. It seemed forever before Mike came back, and when he did, he searched in their DVD collection for something to watch. Billie tapped Tré before signing what he’d like to watch, not wanting to speak, and so the drummer nodded and relayed the response to Mike. The bassist nodded back and quickly entered _Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy_ into the player. Will Ferrell was not the kind of guy Billie watched often, but he needed a comedy and he needed it now. He leaned into his best friends as Mike took the remote and set it up for subtitles, knowing Billie was not in the mood to read lips, and together they watched the movie as the bus started heading to the next venue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I wasn't sure what kind of movie the guys would watch after Billie's panic attack except maybe a comedy, so I looked for 2004 movies and found Anchorman. I've never watched it myself but I think it would work in this situation.
> 
> 2\. I know at least Billie and Mike have panic attacks (which is referenced in the song Panic Song itself), which is why both of them are depicted in this chapter instead of just one event.


	5. Three Cheers for the American Idiots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the 5th chapter in the order of ideas and has a few photos at the end to go along with it that kinda occur in the story or are references.

**2005:**

“Billie- Billie damnit- BILLIE GIVE ME BACK MY HOODIE!” Mike was trying to wrestle his shirt away and wasn’t making any progress, “What are you, a rabid dog?!”

“Woof.” said Billie, still lying on the hoodie. He may have been small but he wasn’t budging. The two were on the bus, specifically in the lounge area, with Billie lying on the couch.

“Hey!” Tré poked his head into the room, dressed to the nines, “How are you guys not ready yet?! The Grammys are in four hours! FOUR!”

“Don’t get so snippity!” With a final tug, Mike got his hoodie back. Billie rolled his eyes and got up.

“You act like a clown most of the time but you’re always the one who wants us to be ready for awards.” he said.

“I just don’t want us to look like disasters, so get dressed.”

“It’s in _four hours_. You expect me to wear a monkey suit for four hours before the show?” Billie was incredulous. Tré facepalmed.

“Don’t come crying to me when it’s fifteen minutes ‘til and you _still_ don’t have your suit on.” With that, Tré left the room.

“What’s his problem?” Billie grumbled, stretching.

“Leave him be, you know how he gets when it comes time for awards.” Mike said, folding his hoodie and noting to wash it later, “He’s so Extra when it comes time that he’s like a totally different person.”

“Like Gerard Way?” Mike made a face.

“Tré may be Extra, but no one is as Extra as Gerard Way.”

“Point taken.” Billie closed his eyes and ran hands through his hair. Mike understood the nervous gesture and sat beside the other. Once Billie’s eyes were on him again, he switched to signing, knowing it might help destress Billie a little if he didn’t need to read lips.

_“You okay?”_

_“Just fuckin’ peachy.”_

_“You don’t have to go, y’know.”_

_“Yes I do. Adie’s coming to meet us there and it’s been awhile since I’ve seen her or the kids. Besides, you guys need me.”_ Billie gave a sly smile, _“Where would you be without me?”_ Mike snorted.

_“And I see your ego has only gotten bigger.”_

_“Says my best friend.”_ Billie leaned into Mike’s side and the bassist sighed. He put a hand around the singer and kept him close, sitting there with him for a few minutes. He could feel Billie’s pulse under his hand, how it was slowing down, and knew things would be okay.

* * *

“I can’t believe I’m so nervous.” Mikey said, “These aren’t the first Grammys we’ve been to.”

“Yeah, but these are the Grammys that Green Day are at.” Ray pointed out.

“Hey, if I were them, I’d go to every music event this year.” said Frank, “ _American Idiot_ was fucking awesome!”

“Unless they want privacy.” said Bob, “After this album, it’s gonna be a long while before anyone forgets them.”

“Shh!” Gerard hissed, “It’s starting!” They all quieted and waited as the show began to start. It didn’t take long for the awards to start and they watched as the awards were passed out. No nominations for the band, sadly, but Green Day did get several and even won Best Rock Album for _American Idiot_. That they certainly deserved. And when the show began to end, MCR went looking for FOB, wanting to discuss what they’d do on Warped Tour together that year, then found themselves meeting with Green Day. They’d done some opening sets for the band in the first wave of their _American Idiot_ tour and wondered if they were planning a second wave. With how successful the album was, they wouldn’t doubt it.

“Hey guys!” GD greeted MCR warmly. Besides the opening sets, My Chem hadn’t really had a lot of time with Green Day and took this chance to talk with them. As they talked, like MCR had predicted, GD was going to do another wave for _American Idiot_ and wanted to ask if MCR would do some more opening acts.

“Of course we will!” exclaimed Frank, “We’d be fuckin’ idiots if we didn’t!” He gave a small wink at the reference and Mike rolled his eyes.

“Well, besides being our opening act, we were wondering if you guys would like to hang out sometime?” Tré asked, “We didn’t really have a chance on the first part of the tour.”

“So basically you’re taking us on a date?” asked Bob. Billie shrugged.

“Sure, if that’s what you want.”

“ _Awesome_.” Green Day was then being called over to take pictures with their awards and invited MCR to join their picture. The younger band couldn’t agree fast enough.

* * *

It was April and Green Day were making their good on their offer to hang out with the band. MCR was learning more and more about Billie, Mike, and Tré and seeing them more as people than a band. Sure, My Chem understood that Green Day were people like themselves, but that star power they held was strong stuff. It was now close to Gerard’s birthday and, to celebrate, GD had offered to take MCR to the movies.

“You sure we won’t get recognized?” asked Ray.

“Can’t promise anything.” Tré admitted, “But we’re going to a special theater, so hopefully it won’t matter.”

“Special?” asked Mikey.

“You’ll see.” said Mike, giving Tré a pointed look. The drummer shrugged. Because MCR was a bigger band, they had a bigger bus and were less well known than Green Day, so both bands took their bus to the theater. It was a large theater, a well-known one, and paid for their tickets. A dozen movies were playing here at least and they’d gotten tickets to _Sin City_ , but there was something about the tickets that made Gerard frown.

“Why does it have OC beside the title, in parenthesis?” he asked, “I thought it was just _Sin City_.”

“Maybe it’s to help show us which theater to go to.” Frank suggested with a shrug. Gerard was unconvinced at this but followed the group. Like the ticket, the theater also had _Sin City_ (OC) to designate where it was. Gerard continued to be confused and it grew even more when the movie started.

 _‘Captions?’_ he mouthed to Mikey.

 _‘Looks like it. Cool.’_ Gerard rolled his eyes.

* * *

 _“I knew this was a bad idea why did you talk me into this you are the worst friend EVER.”_ Billie had signed before they left the bus, not pausing for punctuation.

 _“It’s Gerard’s birthday, we had to do_ something _.”_

 _“I can’t go to the movies!”_ Billie waved his arms to emphasize his point, _“Do you not remember that I_ CAN’T FUCKING HEAR _?!”_

_“It was Tré’s idea, blame him.”_

_“I’ll kick his ass is what I’ll do-”_

_“_ After  _the movie, though.”_

 _“I can’t just go!”_ Mike sighed and pinched his nose, trying to calm himself before he got angry at Billie’s spasming.

_“Look, the theater we’re going to has a specific section in it for the hearing-impaired. Open captions. You’ll be fine.”_

_“Then they’ll find out my secret! We can’t have that!”_

_“You should’ve thought of that before saying we could spend time with them. Anyone who spends a lot of time with you is bound to find out.”_

_“I know that, but-”_ Billie growled, _“It’s not that I don’t trust them, I do, I just don’t want them spreading it around, y’know? I don’t like others knowing that I can’t hear. It makes me feel uncomfortable.”_ Mike gave a slow nod.

 _“If you trust them as much as you think you do, then they won’t say a word. If they do, then we’ll beat up My Chem together.”_ Billie snorted.

 _“We can try.”_ He then hugged the bassist, switching, “Thanks. I’ll do my best to trust in them.”

“Good luck.” Mike said when Billie pulled away. The singer smiled. Mike was right, he had to trust MCR. And if he had to, he could just threaten not to be their friends if they wanna spread his secret. They try to be asses, he’ll be an ass back.

* * *

Once the movie was over and they were back on the bus, Gerard pulled Frank to the side.

“Dude, I know you saw the captions like the rest of us.” he began, “Do you think one of Green Day is deaf somehow?”

“No way. I mean, how would they be musicians if they were deaf?”

“Stevie Wonder was blind and you see how he turned out.” Gerard said. Frank shrugged.

“Hey, if one of them is deaf, that’s cool. It just doesn’t make any sense why they haven’t told anyone.”

“Maybe because they’re afraid of what other people will think? Like you said, it’s hard to believe that a musician can be deaf.” Gerard bent his head, fiddling with his hands. Frank frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“If one of them _is_ deaf, I don’t wanna out ‘em. They’d hate me, probably. But it bothers me a lot.” Frank softened.

“Hey, just ask them but don’t tell anyone else. Don’t even tell me, I don’t care. But if you have to, tell someone you know will keep it.” Gerard smiled.

“Thanks, Frankie. I won’t ask until I’m certain, though. And I’m not gonna try going behind their backs. At least, not too much.”

“Good luck. If you need help, I’m always here.” Frank gave him a kiss on the cheek. Gerard turned red.

“You’re awful.” Frank grinned and winked.

“You know it, baby.” Gerard rolled his eyes but there was a smile on his face.

* * *

It was getting close to the end of their stint as the opening act, where they’d have to go off and work on Warped, but Gerard didn’t want to leave until he knew the truth. No one else seemed as disturbed about the movie as he was, which was understandable, but could he help it if it bothered him so much? He _had_ to know, but was this want greater than the want to keep the friendship?

As he walked between the buses, heading to Green Day’s, he paused for a moment, spotting something. It was Adrienne and Billie, sitting on the steps of GD’s bus. Gerard stepped back into the shadows, watching them, curious. He hadn’t heard anything as he approached, so were they just sitting quietly together? But, as he stared, Billie began moving his hands and Adrienne did in turn, as if they were speaking. It looked like a bunch of gibberish but Gerard knew that they were talking, somehow. This compounded his theory that one of Green Day was deaf and now he had a good idea of who it was. Before he could move, Adie got up, gave Billie a kiss, and walked away. Gerard moved back so she wouldn’t see him and looked towards Billie again. They man had a happy smile on his face and suddenly Gerard felt awful, as if he’d intruded on a moment he shouldn’t have. He backed away. As long as he knew, there was no need to ask the band about it. He’d probably ruin that happiness if he spoke up.

* * *

“Well, it’s our last opening act for Green Day.” Bob noted as he looked out at the crowd, who were screaming and shouting like crazy for the bands.

“Everyone good?” asked Ray.

“Fuckin’ ready.” affirmed Mikey. Frank glanced at Gerard, noticing how quiet he was.

“You okay?” he whispered so the others wouldn’t hear.

“Yeah.” Gerard nodded, “Just nervous.”

“I know nervous and you don’t look nervous.” Frank frowned, “You look scared.”

“Let’s just go out there already.” Gerard avoided the question and went out on stage. As the crowd cheered even louder at their appearance, Frank couldn’t help but wonder what was putting Gerard on edge. He passed his worries onto Mikey between songs and, after their opening set was finished, the two of them worked together to get Gerard alone and ask him what was going on. But, before they could, Gerard made a detour to talk with Green Day before they went on stage. Frank and Mikey made to approach, but then they saw the looks on GD’s faces. They looked a little angry, betrayed, maybe? The two band members kept their distance as the four talked before, finally, Gerard moved on. By the time they finished, Green Day had changed from angry to understanding and were now making their way onstage.

“What was that about?” Mikey questioned after he and Frank caught up with Gerard.

“Nothing.” Gerard looked relieved.

“Does it have something to do with what you told me, after the movie?” Mikey gave Frank a confused look before staring at Gerard. The older man nodded.

“Yeah. I told them about it and promised not to say a word.”

“About what?”

“You’ll only get to know if you can keep a secret.” Gerard gave Mikey an unimpressed look. The younger Way huffed.

“You know as well as I do that I can keep a secret.”

“Don’t blame me if I find that hard to believe.” The three kept walking and talking as they returned to their bus. It was only through lots of pestering and promises that Mikey learned what the two had been talking about and he made it clear there was no way he would speak of it. So, the next morning, when they were out of the road, Ray and Bob found it a little weird how the trio seemed to be keeping something to themselves but didn’t question it. As long as it wasn’t bad, they could keep as many secrets as they wanted.

* * *

It was close to the end of the year when they gathered together for the VMAs. MCR was waiting quietly for the show to begin, wondering how _Helena_ would do. They’d also seen Green Day around and wondered which one of their songs was going to get a VMA, if at all. They certainly deserved it. Besides Green Day, Their song _Helena_ would be competing with Fall Out Boy’s _Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down_ for MTV’s Video Music Award and they wondered who would win. Sure, the funeral setting in theirs was cool and very symbolistic, but how out there can you get with a kid and _antlers_ ? It was more likely that FOB would win and they didn’t really mind. As they watched the show, they listened to how _Boulevard of Broken Dreams_ won all sorts of nominations, such as Video of the Year, Best Rock Video, etc. and it was great, even if the song did beat out _Helena_ for a few.

“Too bad for _American Idiot_ , though.” Frank whispered when the song only won one of its two nominations. Gerard shrugged.

“Can’t win ‘em all.”

“After the show’s over, you think we can congratulate them?” asked Mikey.

“If we can get close enough, sure.” They were distracted when _Helena_ and _Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down_ were being nominated for the MTV2 Award. When it was announced that _Sugar_ won, cheers rose up. FOB weren’t sitting far from MCR and so they congratulated each other. The band was of course a little saddened that their video didn’t win but _Sugar_ deserved it, that they knew. Eventually, when the awards were over and everyone began filing out, MCR and FOB both got the chance to meet up with Green Day. MCR was still congratulating FOB and discussing what they might do next year when GD came over.

“Hey!” GD greeted them warmly and for a second, FOB was frozen. MCR shared knowing glances, understanding that FOB were pretty big fans of GD and had probably never met with the band before. But then the stillness was broken and FOB began talking their heads off, quite happy to get a chance to talk to GD. as they all spoke together, Gerard found himself being pulled off to the side by Billie. There was a look in his eyes and Gerard swallowed, afraid of what the other singer would say, but he had nothing to worry about. Billie was smiling.

“Thanks for keeping it this long.” he said, “You have no idea how much this means to me, to the band.”

“It’s okay, I understand.” Gerard nodded, “I mean, if I was deaf, I’d want no one to know, too. I’m sorry for figuring it out, though.”

“As long as you don’t tell anyone, you’re fine.” Billie nodded. Billie began to turn away but Gerard grabbed his arm, making sure the other could see him.

“Wait.” Billie raised an eyebrow but turned back, wondering what else Gerard wanted. As he watched, he saw Gerard playing with his hands and quickly realized the other was trying to sign. This shocked him, as he hadn’t thought Gerard would’ve taken the time to learn how to sign for him, but then again, so had quite a few other people.

_“I understand you may not realize how sorry I am until I learned to do this. Please forgive me.”_

“Gerard...” Billie tried to keep his voice steady. Usually signing to him didn’t make him emotional, but learning to sign just to speak with him was a different matter.

“I-if this was too much, I-”

“Stop.” Billie gave him a large smile, “What you did was great. And I do forgive you for real.” He gave the younger man a hug. Gerard stiffened for a moment, then hugged him back. Gerard was surprised at how well the phrase had gone over and was thankful that Billie was so forgiving. He had felt guilty that whole summer for figuring out the man’s secret and was glad that Billie had no hard feelings about it.

Maybe he needed to learn to stop worrying so much. He could practice that at the Paramour, once they moved in for the winter.

* * *

    


	6. See the Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I understand it's been a while, but I had this chapter partially written and only finished it today. As you can see, it's also an AU to the Static Age AU and I hope to get more inspiration for this. This is technically Ch. 13, and I hope you like it!

**2017:**

When Billie first woke up in his bunk, he thought he was hearing voices in his head again, but it wasn’t words. It was...different, something he’d never ‘heard’ before. He tried to open his eyes to get his bearings but they didn’t seem to want to open or something. Like, he could feel blinking, but he couldn’t see anything. He reached a hand up and accidentally poked one of his eyes. They were open, alright, but he still couldn’t see anything. Panic was starting to set in. What was going on?

“Mike?” he called, then gasped in shock. Had- Had he just  _ heard _ himself? For real?! There was some sort of noise, and Billie got this feeling that someone was standing near, even though he couldn’t see them.

“Yeah, Bill?” Despite having never heard the voice before, Billie was certain it was his best friend.

“Mike?” Billie’s voice was shaking, he just knew it was, “Come over here.” More sounds, which Billie began to associate with footsteps, came closer.

“You okay, dude?” Mike’s voice sounded different and the singer could tell he was worried.

“Have- Have you ever-” Billie tried to compose himself, “Have you ever lost one of your senses before?”

“What?” There was a pause, and then Billie flinched as a hand touched his cheek, “My god, your eyes!”

“Wh-what’s wrong?”

“Billie, they’re-” Mike had to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat, “They’re gray. I think- I think you’re blind. And if you can hear me, then you somehow traded your sight to hear.”

“Hell no!” The smaller man tried to sit up and hit hit head on the bottom of the top bunk, “FUCK!” He then began to curse quite loudly.

“Who spat in his face this morning?” Tré quipped, having come to the entrance to the bunks, attracted by the commotion.

“This is serious!” Mike snapped, “Dude, Billie can’t see!”

“What are you talking about?” Tré stepped closer, then gave a small gasp of his own, “Fuck, don’t tell me we’ve got a Helen Keller on our hands...”

“I can fucking  _ hear you _ , dumbass!” Billie snarled.

“You don’t have to be so pissy about it!” Tré argued, then immediately dropped his voice, as if to apologize, “Are… are you okay? This must be a big mindfuck for you.”

“It’s like learning to live all over again.” Billie put his head in his hands, taking care not to poke another eye out, “Not hearing a thing I could stand, but  _ this _ ?” All he could do was whimper.

“Easy.” Mike soothed, rubbing his hand on his best friend’s arm.

“I’ll never see Adie or the boys again… I’ll never see  _ you _ guys again. I can play guitars by feel but it’s just not the same! And hell, how am I gonna write now?” His breath was picking up, hiccuping under his hands, “Fuck fuck fuck, I can’t do this, I can’t!”

“Yes you can!” Tré said and now another hand was on his arm, giving firm reassurance, “If you can go your whole life without hearing a thing, then I’m sure being blind won’t stop you. You’ll be like a punk Ray Charles! OW!”

“Shut up.” Mike said, but there was humor in his voice, “Look, maybe if we can get you to a doctor they might be able to fix this shit.”

“If I couldn’t get my hearing fixed, what the hell can they do about this mess?!” Billie gestured to himself, not exactly comforted by their reasonings.

“Have you really tried to get it fixed?” Mike sounded a little confused, “I never saw you go to a doctor or anything.”

“It was when I was really young, when my parents first found out I was deaf.” Billie gave a shrug, “They couldn’t find out what was wrong, so I had to deal with it, y’know? Haven’t tried to see if there was a fix since.”

“Did you ever find out  _ why _ you were born deaf?” Tré asked. The singer shook his head.

“Never asked. Don’t know if Ma even knows.”

“Well, with being blind, it looks like you don’t have a choice.” Mike said. Billie could practically feel the gesture he made in the air, “Besides, there might actually be a fix. You don’t know for sure, none of us do.”

“If there’s one thing I know about being disabled,” Billie grumbled, “It’s that things like this don’t get fixed easily.”

* * *

Billie hated the feel of the cane in his hand. He wanted to throw it out the fucking window and make his way around by himself but knew it was near impossible. He was blind now, he had to have help in some way, whether from his friends or the cane. That didn’t mean he didn’t despise it with all of his being, however.

“How much longer?” Billie hissed in a whisper, gripping the cane so hard he looked like he wanted to break it over his knee. Which he did.

“Can’t be too much longer.” Mike assured. Billie grunted, his only form of argument for the moment. He knew he was acting calm but inside was a hurricane of worry and anger. Losing his sight and gaining his hearing was a definite mindfuck and he was surprised at how well he was dealing with it. He should be catatonic right now, but he wasn’t. He was just very, very angry and wanted to break a few bones. Maybe castrate someone. He was  _ that  _ pissed off.

“Armstrong?” Billie looked up, then grimaced when he realized he probably looked dumb doing so. Mike’s hand was on his arm, helping him up and guiding him, not going too fast or too slow. Tré would’ve joined them but someone had to stay behind and be a distraction until they knew what was going on with Billie. Tré, of course, was the natural choice, but he also didn’t want to be left out. Mike promised he’d be the first person to know when they got back and that managed to satisfy the drummer for the moment.

“So,” the doctor began once Billie was seated, “How is everything going?” Billie glared at the spot he supposed the doctor was. He didn’t want light banter, he wanted answers and he wanted them  _ now _ . Mike seemed to understand this, taking his hand to help keep him calm.

“Sir, have you ever heard of a deaf man suddenly able to hear, but unable to see?”

“No, I can’t say I have...” The doctor sounded unsure, “Explain a little more to me while I look, please?”

“Sure.” Even though he knew the doctor was going to touch him, Billie couldn’t help but flinch. He could feel something warm shining on his face and he was sure it was one of those examination lights as Mike told the doctor about Billie’s deafness and how it had all changed that morning. The doctor was silent for the most part until Mike finished and the exam was done.

“I can’t say I’ve ever heard of this phenomenon, Mr. Dirnt. At the loss of one sense, the others are enhanced, but I’ve never heard of senses being traded like this before, or ever. Mr. Armstrong, are you certain this is the first time this has happened to you?”

“I’m fucking sure.” Billie snarled.

“Bill, don’t.” Mike said. Billie bit his lip.

“Right. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” assured the doctor, “I’d be angry too if I suddenly started hearing but I couldn’t see anymore. And if I were you, I’d wear sunglasses until you’re sure you want to tell others about this.”

“Because of his eyes, right?” asked Mike. Even though he couldn’t see it, Billie had the sense that the doctor was nodding.

“That’s right. If someone was born blind, they wouldn’t have their eye colors, but those who lost their sight would, which is partially why this is so strange. Mr. Armstrong has no color in his eyes.” Billie closed his eyes. The vibrant green he used to have was gone, huh? How would he be able to tell his family about this, his wife and kids? They had been so accepting of his deafness, but now that he was blind, would they still support him? Shivers shot down his spine at the thought.

“You okay?” Mike’s voice was a whisper as he took Billie’s hand. The singer nodded.

“Yeah, just fine.”

* * *

If he wasn’t gripping his cane, he was grabbing someone’s hand. He didn’t want to be doing this, but it was better to do this sooner rather than later. Tré squeezed his hand, letting Billie know the drummer was there. Out of habit, Billie looked over to his left, where Tré was, then cast his eyes down. What was the point? There were a lot of habits he needed to break and new ones he needed to create.

“Ready?”

“No, but fuck it.”

“Alright.” Tré led the way forward and knocked on the door. Soon enough there were footsteps and a click, what Billie guessed was the unlocking of the door, and then a squeak as it opened. He bit his lip. This was it.

“Hey, sweetie, Tré! I thought you were still on tour?” asked Adrienne. Tré blew out a breath.

“Yeah, about that… Could we come in?” he asked.

“Sure...” Adrienne was suspicious and confused, Billie didn’t need to be able to hear to sense that. As they stepped in past her, Adie grabbed his arm. To keep up the charade, he turned to her.

“Why are you wearing sunglasses? It’s not that bright out.” She said it slowly, as if trying to make sure he could see her lips through the glasses. He could tell she was reaching for them and put a hand on them to keep them from moving.

“Adrienne, just wait. We’ll- we’ll explain.” He pulled away from her and took Tré’s hand again. He felt her sad look on him and so badly wanted to rub his eyes tiredly but didn’t dare, he didn’t want her to see just yet. At least the boys weren’t home, he’d be able to tell if they were. Once they were in the living room, he took a seat on the couch with Tré and Adrienne took a chair. Now that he was in the house he lived in for so many years, even blind, he knew his way around. There was silence as they waited for someone to speak and Billie cherished it, knowing the silence he’d had for so long he’d taken for granted.

“Well?” Adrienne prodded.

“First, do you still love me?”

“What kind of question is that? Of fucking course I do! I’d love you no matter what! Billie-”

“Second, promise me you won’t freak out.”

“Freak out?” Adrienne’s voice was anxious and Billie swallowed.

“Promise me, Adie. Please.”

“Fine. I promise. What’s going on?” Billie took a deep breath before he took off his glasses. All was silent and Billie grew anxious.

“...Frank.” Adie sounded demanding and somewhat frightened.

“He’s blind now, but he can somehow hear.” Tré explained, “It’s been as much a trip for us as it has been for you.”

“I went to the doctor to check this out and there’s nothing to be done.” Billie added, “It’s been two weeks since this happened and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. I’ll never see you again, see the boys, see anyone I care about.” He rubbed at his eyes, trying to stop the tears, and suddenly a hand was on his wrist, tugging his hand away. It was Adrienne’s, he’d know the touch anywhere. She took him in a hug and he froze, confused and frightened, but eventually hugged back, especially when he felt her tears on his jacket.

“Oh Billie,” she said, “You can still see us, just with sounds instead of sight. You remember what we look like, just imagine you’re seeing that. No matter what happens, wither you can see or hear, I will always love you. Never think otherwise, honey.” She kissed him and for the first time, Billie wasn’t worried about bumping into anything because he couldn’t see. Instead, his blindness helped him get a better feel of her lips and he could just tell maybe there were still things to be loved in the dark.


End file.
